PSYCHEDELIC PSYCHOLOGY

Going to da hippay festival tomorrow :O!!!!

Everything is a lie.

I keep cutting my hair shorter after I go “NO. LINZ. LET IT GROW LOOONG” but I look so cuuute with short hair :3 It’s a light ash brown color now, with some platinum blonde streaks. my hair always needs to change. No boring haiyuh!!!! evahhh!!!!

I’m listening to 10 ft. Ganja plant and it’s making me think about last summer when I had my asshole pot dealing drummer that I was in love with. Life was impulsive and crazy last summer. I’ll never forget it. Who knows how this summer’s going to go. Now I have a new drummer and a guy who treats me right. It’s sad to say that this makes life less interesting, when there are less problems, less questioning of “does he love/like me, or not?”. My only real problem now is trying to get rid of my Depersonalization/ungroundedness, which further makes me not present on earth, and unable to fully experience things. It’s the most awful feeling in the world. I’d rather have full on feeling depression (not numb depression. I have had that recently) and super anxiety than this feeling. Being numb to your emotions makes life dull and not worth living anyways. :( 5 months is too long for this.

Strangecreek is this weekend! I hope the weather is nice and that I meet lots of interesting people! This is the 3rd year and the 5th festival I’ve had gone to. 

Tiffany and I will have a Reiki table set up so we can do treatments on people. I’ll also be selling handmade semi-precious stone jewelry. I don’t think there’s any use even drinking or smoking weed this weekend, since it makes my Reiki bad and I don’t even enjoy the feeling anymore. I just feel stupid. First sober Wormtown festival? maybe.

ahhh

Most people think growing up means 2 things

1.Getting a decent job - this may or may not be something one “truly” is passionate about, but may pay the bills, which gives people “safety”. Bonus if you find a job you’re truly passionate about, but people often settle for something “safe”. 

2. Getting married/finding their soul mate - people obsess over this way too much. Marriage wasn’t created by God. Humans created marriage and it is flawed BECAUSE:

-Love does not equal sex. (One can love someone and still have sexual feelings for another.)

-Love can exist outside of a relationship, contrary to what most are thought to believe. Our current paradigm of love and relationships is limited in that it limits love to just one person. When this love is threatened, people go crazy, trying to attach themselves to this one person via commitment, responsibility, contracts, etc. 

-You will live an unhappy life if you “try” to find your soul mate. Open yourself to meeting lots of people, and you will find that you have stronger connections with some as you do with others. This is a very special feeling. A special BUT DANGEROUS feeling because… once you feel this, you think “They’re the one!!! I have to officialize this. I need to hold on to them for LIFE!”. You just add greed and attachment to the connection, making it a huge mess. This fucks things up. 

ALSO, if you think you’ve found “the one”, and then they leave you, you’ve fucked yourself in the ass. I’m sorry. You will torture yourself thinking you lost “the one”. The one does not exist. If you open your heart more, you will find that there will be many ones to come. As many as you want and need!

ANYWAYS,

it sickens me that so many people think these are the only things that truly matter in life. Fuck me if I end up with a mediocre life at 30, torturing myself over finding a husband. Fuck that. I want to change the world. I want to help people. I want to open people’s minds. We’re way too fuckin distracted to ever fix things! 

I’m gonna be a godmother tomorrow :D

My cousin Charlie is getting baptized :D I’m not religious, but I’m extremely honored. I just want him to turn out to be the coolest kid ever, and preferably a musician.